That's not my name

Goddammit Starbucks. You did it again. In your failed attempts to hold customer service to a new standard, you assumed that there was only one way to skin a cat.

What the hell...IS THIS!?

what, I don't even deserve an "i"?

I know, that in my Canadian accent, I pronounce my name as disyllabic /bʀɪɾni/ instead of your trisyllabic /bʀɪtəni/, showing off your classy aspirated /t/ on the 2nd syllable. I don't feel it's necessary to change the way I say my own name just for your orthographically-challenged barista's sake, risking sounding like a pretentious wank as "bri-TTA-ny" rolls off my tongue in a very I-went-to-a-private-girls'-school-in-Oxford kind of way.

If my name had been Jen, or Lisa, or Emma, I would give you full right to make such a daring assumption. However in your admirable efforts to make a person's daily caffeine fix more personal, you have instead pissed me off with your orthographic bastardization of my title. You could have bothered to ask, "is it one 't' or two, Madam?"

Juliet said "What's in a name?" Well, this one happens to have an 'a' and two 't's.

I should have gone to Costa for anonymity's sake.